Many working parents, and especially single parents supporting their families, find that their most valuable resource is time – and there seems to be so little of it. The triple workload of job, taking care of the household, and taking care of the children leaves few if any hours in the week for taking care of oneself. Yet juggling all of these demands is critical – if any one of them is neglected even for a week, the whole family tends to suffer. But rather than trying to create more hours in the day by cutting back on sleep, harried parents can succeed by expanding the labor pool – to include the children.
When to Start and What to Expect
Children can pitch in around the house from the age of six or seven onwards. Their contribution to the household should not prevent them from socializing with friends, doing their homework, or getting enough sleep and exercise. They also need to feel that their work is appreciated and requested in a positive manner, without nagging. Some families give allowances based on chores, but this is not necessary. Parents can explain that doing chores is part of being in a family, and appreciation can be shown in other ways. Be careful not to complain too much about your work load – the children may follow your example and complain about their own chores.
But it is fine to share with them that your timeis important. If you are too exhausted from household chores to do well at your work, ask the children, at least those aged seven and older, to pitch in more. Elementary school children can help with dishes and by collecting their own laundry, as well as keeping their rooms clean. Older children should be able to help even more. Half an hour a day is a reasonable contribution for children aged ten to thirteen. Children in this age group should be able to vacuum, clean a bathroom, fold laundry, mop floors, and clean pet cages and litter boxes. High schoolers have busy schedules, but this is the time to insist upon forty-five minutes to an hour a day of their time at least five days a week – and encourage them by offering incentives such as extra privileges and rides to social events. Older teenagers can cook dinner at least once a week, do laundry, oversee younger children, clean the kitchen and pitch in to reduce your housework. The result is, when you are more relaxed, have time to enjoy being with your children, and are not too tired to have a sense of humor, the whole family benefits.
How to Ask and Remind
Often the worst part of chores, for both parents and children, is having to nag, or being nagged. There are three quick steps to not ever having to open your mouth to remind a child to do a chore. A) Agree on who does what chores collaboratively in family meetings, and allow chore rotation among family members. B) Write down the agreements and post them on the kitchen door or any other obvious place. Allow younger children to make drawings to help them remember what their chores are. C) Decide together on appropriate natural consequences for not doing the chores (which may be different for younger and older children, or different chores), with all family members present – and make sure to carry out these consequences, gently but firmly, the first time, and any other time, that someone forgets. The best reminder is an occasional card or unexpected gift expressing your thanks for a job well done.
Special Chores, Special Rewards
Sometimes the hardest housework items to accomplish are the chores that are only done occasionally – completely cleaning the refrigerator, washing the winter coats or curtains, cleaning the garage – because they are not part of the routine. Children and teenagers may actually welcome a chance to do these chores if you offer an unusual incentive. My mother once offered to buy me a new pair of shoes if I would completely clean a refrigerator we were selling. I was delighted – and that refrigerator shone.
Weeding the yard and ridding it of spring dandelions was no problem either – we were instructed to gather all our neighborhood friends to pick them, and all received the enormous sum of a penny a dandelion, plus popsicles. My mother’s job was to relax on the porch and count the dandelions we picked.
Cleaning the garage offers a good opportunity to hold a garage sale. Offer your children fifty percent of the profits, and they may be happy to have a chance to practice their entrepreneurial skills, as well as making sure the garage is clean enough to hold the sale.
Besides chores getting done, the immediate rewards for parents include a greater sense of family cohesiveness, more time, and increased understanding between family members about what it takes to keep the household running. But beyond these initial rewards lie greater rewards that should be incentive enough for parents to take the creation and management of children’s chores seriously over the long term. Children who do chores are more likely to understand what it takes to become responsible adults. They have a good chance at getting a better first job because they can describe their home responsibilities with conviction. One sixteen-year-old started at eight dollars an hour in a job requiring strength and hand/eye coordination after he reported that he chopped wood every day to keep the family woodstove going – in Alaska. With results like these, as a parent you will have the satisfaction of knowing you have raised a responsible young adult.
To learn more, see the following FamilyIQ courses:
Raising Responsible Children, Single Parenting, 
Healthy Family Government
Author Catherine Knott, Ph.D., teaches Anthropology and Sociology for the University of Alaska on the Kenai Peninsula. She has a Ph.D. in Anthropology, Natural Resources, and Education from Cornell University and a B.A. from Yale University. Catherine has worked in International Development overseas and in the United States for many years. She and her three children enjoy the wilderness, as well as gardening, art, and writing, from their rural home in Alaska.
